94 - Is All Pride Sinful?

Most Christians know the warnings about pride in Scripture, but we often use the same word to describe two very different things. Is there a difference between arrogance and healthy satisfaction? Between elevating ourselves above others and taking joy in a job well done?

In this episode, we examine what the Bible says about pride, humility, confidence, purpose, and personal worth. Looking at examples from Nebuchadnezzar, Herod, and the prophets, we explore why God opposes arrogant pride while also encouraging confidence, meaningful work, and satisfaction in our labor. 

We also discuss why many men tie their sense of value to purpose, contribution, and respect—and how misunderstanding those needs can create struggles in marriages, families, and relationships. Ultimately, true confidence is not found in our accomplishments but in our identity in Christ.

Whether you've wrestled with insecurity, arrogance, discouragement, or simply want to better understand the difference between pride and purpose, this conversation will challenge you to examine what is really happening beneath the surface. 

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Transcript

Welcome And Why Talk Pride

Kyle 0:03

Welcome to the Exhorter Podcast, where it is our aim to stir up love and good works through fight-sized biblical conversation. This episode is proudly brought to us by John Bradford today.

Jon 0:14

We're gonna get into a subject here, and I think we have a few topics that have significant meaning to us. Men, that doesn't mean that they're exclusive episodes from men.

Nate 0:22

I think that uh actually men don't need them because we already know this.

Jon 0:32

Okay, that doesn't mean that these uh episodes aren't for women, it's just the opposite. I think that they will help men understand themselves better and also help women in their lives understand them and us better as well. And as we talked about these. So we've talked about masculinity, idea of toxic masculinity, and this week I'd like us to talk about the idea of pride. Quick question Is pride a sin?

Nate 0:58

Yes.

Kyle 0:59

You know, if I want to be strict about it, I would say yes, because everywhere in the Bible that the word pride comes up, it is always in a negative sense in the scripture. Okay, and I've known some people that have gone as far as say, like, you should avoid saying I'm proud of you, because pride is a negative thing in the Bible.

Jon 1:16

Okay. Well, I mean, but would there wouldn't you agree that there's a contradiction with the idea that um if I asked you, are you proud of your kids? you would say yes.

Nate 1:28

Well, okay, words have meaning, definitions matter, right? And we're gonna get into that. Oh, never mind. Go ahead. No, no, do you know the definition?

Kyle 1:36

We'll get into that. That was kind of my point that I was gonna make, though. I've heard that argument made, but I'm not sure that I really I get it. We should be careful about what we say and how it presents itself, but also there's a reason why only a select, I'm trying to be nice here, only a select few, a minority of Christians still use the King James Version.

Jon 1:56

Sure. Well, okay, let's get into

Two Different Definitions Of Pride

Jon 1:58

the definition. Okay, so if you pull up any dictionary and you look at the word pride, you're gonna get two different dick two different um definitions from them. You'll find two completely different definitions sitting right next to each other. And they're not degrees of the same thing, they're fundamentally different experiences. Okay. So we're gonna talk about those two, and then we're gonna kind of compare and contrast here. So the two definitions, the bad pride that you might find is an inflated opinion of yourself over others. Okay? That's the bad pride. We understand that one. It's arrogance, right? The good pride is a genuine satisfaction from hard work or someone you care about. So there's two different types of pride right there in definition form. So psychology backs this up. Researchers, uh, there's two researchers that that study this in depth, Tracy and Robbins. They studied for this for years. They found two completely separate emotional states hiding under one word. So today we're gonna give them better names. And so moving on now, I don't want to say good pride, bad pride. We're just gonna kind of like give them some different terms. And that would be uh prideful arrogance, would be I am better than other people. This is rooting in believing you are just fundamentally superior to other people. This is where you get narcissism, aggression, and relational damage, you know, from, right? We recognize this one. This is the one that would say is sinful. Then there's prideful satisfaction. This is I worked hard and made a difference. This is rooted in effort and genuine contribution. So this is what produces confidence in men. This is what produces motivation and stronger relationships. There that's the good side of pride. So arrogance, satisfaction. Does that distinction make sense to you? Do you understand? Does that make making that distinction does it sound like two different things?

Kyle 3:45

In a Venn diagram kind of way where there's still some overlap where you can be overly satisfied with something you did and it becomes arrogance. But I get the idea of satisfaction.

Jon 3:57

And I think that we're gonna talk about that a little bit more maybe in another topic. Like I said, we're gonna do a little series here. We're gonna talk about things. And I think that if you can take even the satisfaction to a point, it becomes an idol, right? Yeah. And I think that that's that's we're we'll talk about that. But today I just want to talk about the the idea of pride because we will find this in uh maybe not the actual words, but we'll try and find the concepts in the Bible for good and for bad, for arrogance and satisfaction, and we'll have commands on both sides. And I do think it's inherent to um masculinity or to men in our nature that pride isn't always a bad thing. And it's such a it there's a good side of it, and I just kind of want to talk about that a little bit because I don't think we need to demonize every aspect of it, just the obvious things, especially when it says pride is can I um bring up a little etymology of the word pride?

Word Origins And A Personal Example

Nate 4:49

Yeah, it it means overly high opinion of oneself now, derived from the old French prudhomme, meaning a brave or virtuous man, which traces back to the Latin Prodessa to be a value or benefit. So at its root, pride meant something closer to personal dignity and sense of worth, not necessarily sinful. So originally it was it was a good thing. And I and I think there's so many things like this in in life that um too much of a good thing can be a bad thing, right?

Kyle 5:20

You can see that progression in in a lot of ways. And you know, one example in my life is a couple years ago I got to speak at the Florida College Lectures, and it was this like realization that that means I have to actually type something up and have it conform to uh MLA standards or whatever, like proper punctuation, and all my references have to be properly cited and all that. And so I worked really hard on that manuscript, turned it in a couple weeks late, but they they gave me some slack and all that. But I was I was really satisfied with the work I did and really enjoyed going and presenting that lecture at the lectureship and all that. And fast forward a couple years, and uh, you know, someone's asking me a question, they're um they're looking at Hebrews in a Bible study and asking me some questions, and you're like, well, you know, I am a published author on the book of Hebrews, so uh yeah. So you can see that like satisfaction for working hard and doing something and enjoying the process can turn into if you if you allow it to become over overly inflating of your ego.

Jon 6:15

Yeah. Yeah. And I'm sure as we all grow up using that word, that word has been demonized. I mean, that that's the idea of it. And so I do want to talk about that a little bit because you just you the etymology of that word, you found that we use the same word for different things. Yeah. And I think that because they get clustered, it demonizes positive traits and things that we should be.

Why Arrogance Damages Relationships

Jon 6:38

So uh let's first look at the idea of prideful arrogance. We're gonna start with the bad one because we're pretty much familiar with it already, but we're gonna hit that research because I want to test it through scripture. I want to make sure that we're we're looking at the same thing here. So here's the caveat going into this. I'd like for us to reflect first, not if we see this in others, but where we see it in ourselves. Okay. The research is pretty consistent out there. People that uh have prideful arrogance, people don't enjoy being around this person, even if they're impressed by them. Those with fragile egos get aggressive when they're challenged. And then there's relational damage from this with marriages, with friendships, and so on. Uh, there is a key finding that arrogance is often a defense against shame. And so when someone acts super arrogant and it it's like a the loudest guy, the most impressive guy in the room, often has the deepest wound underneath. So even it's a reflective of um a deeper thing, and it's not always just intentional. At that point, arrogance is kind of like an armor, you know, it's not strength. So that that's a lot of studies around this idea of arrogance out there. It's usually hiding something else. And so if if one of if if we I can kind of relate to this a little bit because I think sometimes when I'm most insecure, I act a little bit more arrogant than I think I am. I'll act a little over, I'll overcompensate for that. Um, and more joke around and use humor on that end. Do we do you guys see this in yourselves? Is this something that you kind of struggle with? Is does this make sense?

Kyle 8:12

Humor can be used to mask insecurity. I've heard. Oh my I've heard that. It's sad.

Jon 8:21

It's uh sad thing.

Nate 8:24

Um I know that when um when my pride is uh threatened or my competence is threatened, um then I become defensive. So uh I know for for me that's uh where maybe that shows up.

Jon 8:47

Yeah, and I've had conversations with my wife about this too, about having certain conversations in public or you're not not you know, like being challenged on things and stuff. There, I think there's some good and there's some bad at that one. It it's negative all around, actually, really. I don't think it's it's it's the best way to do things, but also I may have a defensive reaction that's not appropriate either to that, you know. Um but I I do see this and I see it as sometimes us caring what other people think of ourselves and um that kind of thing as well. Um and that comes from insecurity, it comes from hiding insecurity. And then it makes sense with the research and everything. But this is actually not just a male thing. You know, women carry this too, it just shows up differently with females. Uh in women, it's less about dominance and more about needing to appear capable, put together, most in control. It's the same root, just different expression. I I think that that's that's the thing, is it's not just a man thing, it just looks more because we react to it. Like you and I just said, you know, we react emotionally to it. Now, what the Bible says about prideful arrogance is it always leads to a fall.

Arrogance In Proverbs And The Prophets

Jon 9:55

We've heard this pride goeth before the fall. So um Proverbs 16, 18, pride goes before destruction and a haughty spirit before the fall. This isn't just a warning, it's almost a law of nature.

Kyle 10:07

Well, and and John, we see this like in Isaiah 14 and verses 13 and 14. You know, a lot of people think this could be about Satan, but it's specifically about the king of Babylon. But you see, it could be about Satan too, and it that seems consistent, but it's a commonality that you read about in many of the prophets about these you know nations that were great empires. You said in your heart, I will ascend to heaven, I'll raise my throne above the stars of God, I'll make myself like the most high. And that goes all the way back to Satan's very first lie. You can become like God. Right. So that that is a very common trend, even in the prophets.

Jon 10:40

Yeah, so it's in if you then look also at um uh James 4, verse 6, God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble, you know, he will always oppose this, isn't just quiet disappointment. God is he'll position himself against arrogance, probably because of like the original sin. Yeah, you know, and so I think no matter what, if you are a prideful person, if you are arrogant, if you are trying to elevate yourself to a level that it that pushes God out of the picture, right, then you're never gonna have God on your side.

Kyle 11:18

Well, that's a scary place to be. Another one would be Obadiah 1 verse 3 with the Edomites. They have these, uh they have these cities, like the city of Petra, and you might have seen it in uh Indiana Jones and Last Crusade. Uh it's a it's a it might be.

Jon 11:34

It is.

Kyle 11:34

Um, it's the city built into the wall of of a mountain, literally. And so they're like, Well, we're untouchable in in our mountain fortress. And God said, Uh, the pride of your heart has deceived you. No, I'm gonna destroy you, Edomites.

Jon 11:47

I also have this other point here. So in Daniel 4, Nebuchadnezzar uh looks over at Babylon and says, Is this not a great city I built? And God removes his sanity on the spot and gives uh like an animal. Lives like an animal, and he lives like an animal. I'm not even reading correctly.

Kyle 12:03

It's this eating grass. So if you just eat veggies, you're like an animal.

Jon 12:07

So he lives like an animal for seven years. And and the interesting part is God isn't judging that accomplishment of him. Uh, you know, Babylon was great, he is judging and uh taking credit for what belongs to God, and so that is your positioning yourself. It's about positioning yourself with authority or in between um what God gives you. And and honestly, nothing is our we're to be stewards of everything, so nothing is ours. Now, we're gonna get into the positive side of pride, and where it is okay to do that, but never at the expense or positioning yourself and taking credit for what's God's.

Nate 12:41

God does the same thing with Herod and um I think it's Acts 12. I might be wrong on that. But, you know, the the the people are praising him, um, and he's taking credit for it and not giving credit to God. And yeah, says he's you know eaten by worms. He he dies and he's eaten by worms. So give credit to God. In Deuteronomy, Moses is talking to the Israelite people, reminding them that, you know, when when you get rich, when you get wealthy in the land, remember that you are only wealthy because God gave you the ability to make make that wealth or to produce that wealth. And so again, it's all about giving credit back to God where that credit is due, because really all all good things come from him. And to to take credit that for that ourselves is is to take what actually belongs to.

Jon 13:31

Yeah, the breath in our lungs establishes that case already. Yeah. Do we ever fall into that trap? I mean, is it hard to see the difference between you know crossing that line, between being prideful about what we've accomplished in giving credit to God? Is that a hard one? Do we do we do we get tripped on that one a lot? One say nothing ever good happens to me, so I'm never that prideful. Yeah.

Nate 13:56

I think that.

Jon 13:57

I mean, is that a hard one? Do we wrestle with that? Like the idea of glorifying ourselves instead of God first in our accomplishments?

Nate 14:05

I probably still do that. I probably do that. I think it's I think it was harder when I was younger.

Jon 14:10

I think I do that when I make plans without him sometimes. You know, I find myself not praying about things and trying to fix things and stuff like that. But um also, you know, you you just you can you can get caught up on being excited about your own accomplishments and the world will tell you, look what you've done. Yeah, and the world actually does a strong effort in telling you you need to be confident and you need to value your accomplishments and yourself. Like it it pushes you into that mode, and so we kind of have to, you know, use perspective on these.

Nate 14:45

Yeah, you know, yeah. That actually happened to me um after high school. I worked out at a CrossFit gym, and one of the gals who worked out there was my never any prideful uh arrogance at a CrossFit gym. None whatsoever. Uh there's one of the gals who worked out there was she used to be my art teacher, and uh I was sharing about some good thing that had happened to me, and I, you know, gave credit to God for what had happened. And and she said, Well, Nate, don't forget what you have done and what you should be proud of because you did it. And uh it just reminded me of what you said, John.

Jon 15:22

The the word I've ever heard of anyone verbalize it that way, but no, she said it's for sure. It happens.

Nate 15:27

She was she was very clear about it. And uh the world will tell you uh to to be proud of what you have done. Uh where we need to be humble is to say, well, I couldn't have done it without God.

Jon 15:38

Yeah. And we do that a lot, even outside of just ourselves, but on a team or with our wives, or you know, or as a as a member of a group, you know, sometimes we can elevate oneself. Okay, so let's talk about this idea of prideful

Healthy Pride And The Need For Respect

Jon 15:55

satisfaction. It's kind of a weird phrasing, but um, not only is this version of pride permitted, but in some places in scripture it's actually commanded. That's a hot take, right? So this matters enormously for men, maybe in a marriage when this is not met. So let's explain this a little bit more. Research says that authentic effort-based pride consistently produces better goal follow-through, stronger leadership, lower shame, higher real self-esteem. People genuinely want to be around you. And this is this is the non-arrogant, you know, pride and satisfaction of your work. This is kind of like an interesting stat, though, here that I kind of wanted to see if it's real for us, right? If you guys agree. This uh Shanti Fieldman's research says, and women think about this as well. They surveyed thousands of men, and it said 74% of them would choose feeling alone and unloved over feeling disrespected and inadequate. So that they value feeling adequate and having respect over the idea of being alone and unloved. So three out of four men, for most men, respect is a language of love, is what this is saying. And so a wife can can like sincerely you know love their man, and but without this, it might not even be coming through, right? Uh if it's not as respect. So, I mean, what do we think about that?

Nate 17:19

Would I rather be unmarried or married to a woman who didn't respect me and made me know that I didn't provide a good living? I'd rather be alone.

Kyle 17:29

Is this the male equivalent of would you still love me if I was a worm? I don't yeah, what is that? Is that a thing?

Jon 17:36

Yeah. Is that a is that a female thing? I don't know. Kyle, you're a lot more in touch with your emotions and and uh social media than we are. I'm just waiting. I'm not I've never heard that before. Oh, okay.

Kyle 17:47

Is it what is it?

Jon 17:48

You have to explain now.

Kyle 17:49

It's it's a I don't know how to explain it. It's just it's a thing. It's a worm.

Jon 17:52

Would my wife know what that is? Okay. I'll ask my wife too.

Nate 17:56

That's good. What's the worm thing?

Jon 17:58

I mean, do you do do you think that is the case? Do you do you feel that yeah, that makes sense? Um three out of four men would rather be respected than in a relationship.

Nate 18:08

It's like, would you rather be alone or would you rather be with someone who punches you in the face every day? Yeah. Well, I'd rather be alone. I mean, being alone stinks, but it's better than you know being with someone who actively uh tears you down on a regular basis.

Jon 18:23

Yeah. Are you familiar with the book Um A Search for Meaning by Man's Search for Meaning? Yeah, Man's Search for Meaning. Sorry, with by Victor Frankel. Oh yeah. Have you read it? No, I haven't. Have you? Well, you're a teacher. You probably should.

Nate 18:34

You you should it's should I? It's outstanding.

Jon 18:36

Okay. So what I'm taking from that is after surviving Nazi death camps, uh, he found the difference between survivors and non-survivors wasn't physical health. Uh, it was rather they had a reason to live, a purpose, uh-huh, a mission. Um, the need and the the the reality there is that a need to matter isn't vanity, it's survival-wired. Oh, yeah. Right. So this I think this is tied to this idea here because of that, the purposeful mission. We want to feel valued. We want to feel um of value. Uh-huh. And when that's taken away from us, when that when respect is taken away, when our sense of self-worth is taken away, we probably disengage from conversations. We probably aren't excited for life. It probably drives men away. And I think that for myself. I I I, through my different jobs and things, I maybe have put the idea of doing meaningful work way too high on the list. I, you know, work is providing work is is just fine too. Yeah. But I have always wanted to be, even if I'm not doing work that is super consequential in certain ways, I want to know that I'm valued and in and needed there. Like I want, I don't want to be there and um just a lump of coal. I want people to appreciate my work and I want to be valued and shown that. And I think that that that can come off as prideful, but I don't think it's a bad thing. I think it's a good thing. I think it's in in innate in us.

Nate 20:09

Yeah. Like you want to do a good job.

Jon 20:11

Yeah, and I don't think that women don't feel this too. I think women feel this too. Um, they need to feel like their contribution matters, just like men, but men tend to find meaning through impact and consequence. And um, we like said, a different expression, and women tend to find it through relationships and connections. So if women find it through relationships, we might find it through competence, yeah, and achievement. And so a different expression underlying it's the same need that we need to feel valued. So, I mean, I think if you're listening, if you're a wife and you're one of the two people, women that listen to this podcast, um, it does that reframe anything about your husband? Isn't finding that fulfillment at work? And then it kind of bleeds into life. And I think that that's an important thing is that men need to feel that, and that's not a bad thing. And we can see that

Bible Support For Work Satisfaction

Jon 21:01

in the Bible. There's a healthy satisfaction for your work, and that's explicitly endorsed in places like Galatians 6:4. Let each of one test his own work, and then his reason will boast to be himself alone and not his neighbor. So Paul uses uh you know the idea of pride here positively, but it ties directly with the absence of comparison. I think Ecclesiastes it we hear that as well.

Nate 21:26

To eat, to drink, and enjoy oneself and all one's labor in which he toils under the sun during a few years of his life which God has given to him, for this is his reward.

Kyle 21:34

What verse is that?

Nate 21:36

Um Ecclesiastes 5 18.

Kyle 21:39

I've seen personally that it is the only beneficial and appropriate course of action for people to eat and drink and find enjoyment in all their hard work on earth during the few days of their life that God has given them, for this is their reward.

Jon 21:50

Do you guys identify that? That you feel like when you've done work, there's a healthy satisfaction from that.

Nate 21:58

Yes, when I mow my lawn. Oh, my wife makes so much fun of me because I will literally just go sit and look at the grass. That's right.

Jon 22:08

Nice, especially because it's not going to be that way tomorrow. Yeah.

Nate 22:11

Right, exactly. But yeah, there's there's satisfaction in what you do. Yesterday I washed the cars. I washed all the cars. I waxed the cars. The the tires. Relax there, buddy. I cleaned you're making this look. I cleaned the tires. Like they're this shiny black color. Literally this morning before everybody got up. I made my coffee and I walked outside to just look at the cars, right? Like I was there, there was some uh pride, uh satisfaction in the work that I had accomplished in the small thing of of washing the cars.

Jon 22:43

So yeah, I I did that yesterday and I I kind of like opened the we were sitting at the the the dinner table right there, and I opened the door and and my wife goes, Don't let the flies in. I'm like, I'm showing you the backyard. Look at it. She's like, Yes, I know. I saw it, it looked really great. Uh-huh. And I'm like, I wanted you to see it. I don't know. Taylor, compliment your husband. Come on, look at the backyard, it looks great. Um, sure, you know, we have flies, but yeah, you know, I think we all feel that way. And I I think women feel the same thing. I don't think it's just a a manly thing, but I just think there's some things like this that feel like they mean more to us, maybe sometimes. Yeah. Because we we have this desire to feel useful and be useful. Yeah, be useful. Amen. God commands confidence from us in Hebrews 10 35, do not throw away your confidence, it will be richly rewarded. Not we're not supposed to be timid, you know, we're not supposed to be shy, we're supposed to be leaders, uh, we're supposed to be confident in ourselves. And I think that that sense of pride and satisfaction can boost our confidence. When your wife shows that she believes in you and is that is confident in your ability to lead the family and to do things, your level of confidence rises 10 times. Oh yeah, right? When you're given that kind of feedback, you feel like you could do anything and it's okay because it's you and you and you and your wife and your kids against the world to get to heaven. And and it just makes you feel so good. And what what can give that kind of feeling? It's crazy, but it's just feeling useful. It's feeling that satisfaction of knowing that people believe in you. Yeah, and that's not that like I said, that's that's supported through scripture. That's not just uh an arrogance, um, that's value, and you want your man to feel that way. It's gonna be like the performance level on all cylinders is gonna be, you know, higher, a lot higher.

Nate 24:41

Amen.

Jon 24:42

Yeah, so I think also our need to contribute is original design, and that's not ego. Uh, the Lord took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work and to keep it. We were given a role in Genesis 2.15. Before sin, before anything went wrong, God gave us work and purpose to do. And I think that that's there's value in that. That is an important reminder that work is not the curse. No, not the work. The the toil, the hardship of it was the curse. Does this represent something real about us, about how we've been wired, that need to feel like you're doing something that actually matters? Do you recognize this in yourselves, or is this just uh me thing?

Nate 25:25

God made us goal-oriented creatures, like, right? He's he's he's got something for us to do while we are here and uh and we need to get out there and and do it. I think all of us have have a purpose. That's the whole idea of a role, right? Like roles wouldn't exist if there were not if they didn't have a purpose, right?

Jon 25:48

We just recognize this when someone's not goal-oriented. Oh yeah. Yeah, or they're they're not a diligent worker, they don't have a good work ethic. I mean, we recognize this when that's not the case. I don't think that we value it maybe then it's almost like an expectation at that point. Yeah. Um, it's status quo.

Nate 26:08

Yeah. But it but I think the fact that we um are goal-oriented, and if we have those goals and we are working towards them and we are making progress, we're going to feel this sense of satisfaction in the work that we are doing. And if we feel that sense of satisfaction, you can take that too far and say, like Ron Burgundy, hey everybody, come look at how good I look. Or you can say, Wow, this is awesome that I've been able to accomplish this. Thank you, God, for giving me the opportunity to accomplish this.

Jon 26:42

So thinking about our last episode, you know, on uh toxic masculinity.

Nate 26:48

From last week.

Jon 26:48

From last week, obviously. Do you think we're supported in in this, in the idea that there's a positive side of pride? Or do you think that through the church and through society that it's it's been pretty much? I think it's all just how you're not sure if you're not correctly.

Kyle 27:03

I think it's all just how you package and label it. If we're talking about we're talking about satisfaction and contentment in in work and in a job well done, that certainly is a good thing. And if we call it pride, um you know, uh some of that's just semantics. It is and we have to acknowledge that because I I'll tell people something I liked about Utah that that is as compared to other places I've lived, and in Utah, generally people have pride of ownership. And I I think of that as a good thing, just that they take care of their homes, they take care of their yards, and you know, other places I've lived, you don't quite get that. And that's that's frustrating when other people are driving down the property value in your neighborhood.

Nate 27:46

And Sanger, what are you gonna do?

Kyle 27:49

Yeah, I know.

Jon 27:50

I'm I know I'm the ranchos are probably a lot more pride up there.

Kyle 27:54

Yeah. Well, there's not much property value to drive down, so all right. Well, let's let's get the the application of this.

Jon 28:04

Let's

Practical Checks For Men And Wives

Jon 28:05

get into the application of this and kind of summer this up. So um, we've established that prideful arrogance is real and damaging, prideful satisfaction is real and sometimes necessary. What do we do with this though? So I have a couple points here I think that are good tips for men and for women to think about when we're we're we're remembering this episode. Uh, for men, uh, anchor your worth in Christ. It's just important to keep Christ at the forefront of all that and give glory to God and all things and kind of set that tone so that you don't lean into your own self accomplishments without him, you know, irrespective of him. Uh, another is you know, test your ability uh to take feedback. True, confident men can take feedback without crumbling or retaliating or being defensive. And I think that that's the way we talked earlier about is taking feedback when we get really defensive. I think that's a check in ourselves of how we are thinking about pride. When someone says you're wrong, what happens inside? Ask yourself that. If every challenge feels like an attack on your identity, maybe it's coming from a place of feeling insecure about what you're lacking in your life. So uh also serve when no one's watching. So another way to kind of self-check this one is uh if motivation disappears when the audience disappears, you're chasing approval and you're not living with the purpose that you need to, right? This should be understandable. Now, for women and wives, uh I have a couple other encouragements. Learn his language. I think we all know the love languages, and I think that's separate from this because I think love languages are unique things that matter to unique people. When it comes to respect, I think it matters to all people. I think we all want to feel respected, but especially men in our role. This is how we often receive love, and it's kind of backed by that statistic earlier that you know, three out of four men would rather be alone than disrespected. And so we find ways to honor the roles that we've been given by God. It's not a quid quo quo. He is to love you irrespective of your respect towards him. But they go hand in hand, and they are actually benefited by both.

Kyle 30:21

Kyle Well, in Ephesians 5, we often focus on uh how husbands are to love their wives and it's a sacrificial kind of way. But notice the summary in verse 33 at the end of chapter 5 in Ephesians. Nevertheless, let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. You know, when he's sort of distilling husband-wife, it's more than just that, but when he distills it down to its most basic element, husbands, sacrifice for your wives. Put her put her above you and do what it takes to provide for your family. Wives, show your husband respect. Make him feel that even though you might be the only one that sees his hard work, make him feel appreciated. Show him respect.

Jon 31:08

Yeah, and that gets into my second point there. Be specific and be public. So generic affirmation fades, but being specific with affirmation sticks. Not you're a great dad, but maybe using an example like the way you handle that tonight was exactly what he needed. You know, just talking about a son. Criticism in front of the kids, friends, family, public criticism can damage. If it needs to be said, maybe say it privately. Amen. Support your husband. Uh, also recognize when it's maybe armor and not arrogance. You know, sometimes if he's dismissive or domineering or shut down, something might be hurt underneath, as we talked about before. This doesn't mean that you need to accept bad behavior. That's not what I'm saying. And in arrogance, it's not what's needed. But ask, is this arrogance or is this a wound that needs to be healed? You know, we're not great at emotions, we're not great at being open. Give us some patience, talk through it with us and try to figure out what that is and listen and care maybe what that is. Because I don't think that we have a desire to wound and to be, you know, toxic. I don't think we have a desire to be arrogant and puffed up and prideful. And I think that sometimes it's an equation of something missing in our lives that we need to fix. And so support your husbands, encourage us, and it's only going to help the relationship even more. So, in closing, I would say the goal is never to eliminate prideful satisfaction from us, but he does call out the arrogant pride so much in scripture that that's what we see. And for a good reason, it's a default and it's easy to get to. Men, you have we have to check ourselves and make sure that we are not putting all the value in ourselves and being hurt and wounded when we're not getting that and receiving that. Putting Christ first will help us in that. I just encourage us to be self-aware and reflective on this one. Having a real good sense of satisfaction and feeling have like you have purpose is something to be supported.

Nate 33:10

So, John, I'm proud of you.

Jon 33:12

Thank you, man.

Nate 33:13

Yeah, good episode. Appreciate it. Well, thank you for

Wrap Up And Share The Show

Nate 33:16

listening. Um, John, appreciate that episode on pride. And really, we use that one word to describe two different ideas. Um, the idea of satisfaction from some sort of effort, and then this idea of being puffed up beyond what we should.

Kyle 33:32

And so there's a third meaning too. Oh, pride of the group of lions. Pride of Lions, yeah.

Nate 33:37

Okay, yeah. Carry on. As long as we have that straight. So um, if this episode has made you proud and you're proud to say that you're a listener of the Exhorter podcast, please like, subscribe, and share with your Pride of Lions. That was really dumb. I'm sorry. Um, anyways, but please like, subscribe, and share, and thanks for listening.

Kyle 34:06

Which one am I? Am I green or blue?

Jon 34:08

Uh, you're neither. Okay. Someone can lead me in and I will take it from here.

Nate 34:17

Welcome to the Exhorter Podcast.

Kyle 34:22

Welcome to the Exhorter Podcast, where it is our aim to stir up.

Jon 34:25

Scooped.

Kyle 34:26

You got scooped. This episode is proudly brought to us by John Radford today.

Jon 34:32

You need to finish the whole thing.

Kyle 34:34

Yeah, where it's our aim to stir up, I'm good work. Go ahead, John. Oh, I forgot to bring up Gaston in the lesson on this. He's the epitome of toxic masculinity. He is so masculine. Yeah. Body hair, antlers, and deck.

Jon 34:48

I can't believe that you would remember expecting biceps to spare. There you go. Lots of hair. So oh, so I also have this other point here. So in Daniel 4, Nebuchadnezzar's Nebuchadnezzar. Nebuchadnezzar uh looks over at Babylon and says, This is not a great city. Is this not a great city to build?