Exhorter Podcast
Welcome to the Exhorter Podcast where we aim to stir up love and good works, through bite-sized biblical discussion. This local effort of the Church of Christ located in Clovis California is hosted by Kyle Goodwin, Paul Nerland, Nate Shankels, and Jon Bradford.
Exhorter Podcast
47 - Balancing Life and Keeping God as a Priority
Ever wondered why, despite a packed schedule and ceaseless hustle, there’s a nagging feeling that something is missing? Are we sacrificing the truly important on the altar of the urgent? Join us as we have an honest conversation about the struggle to keep God at the forefront, amidst the whirlwind of life.
In our quest to balance faith, family, hobbies, and 'me time', it's easy for our priorities to tip over. We share personal stories and talk about the challenge of recognizing when our priorities are out of balance.
Our journey takes us through an exploration of how to resist the allure of 'good' things that can distract us from the 'best'—keeping God as our priority. We end on a note of grace, acknowledging that stumbling is part of the journey, and sharing practical tips on how to trim the excess off our time for what truly matters.
Contact the Exhorter Podcast
Thanks for listening!
Welcome to the Exordr Podcast, where it is our aim to stir up love and good works through bite-sized Biblical conversation. Today we're going to turn to Nate to give us a topic of conversation.
Speaker 2:Excellent, kyle. That was a very intelligent intro and I appreciate it.
Speaker 1:So flattery is our topic today. Let's have a conversation.
Speaker 2:Flattery is yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe you can't tell I'm being sarcastic, but in all seriousness, today I want to talk about priorities and making God our priority Kind of goes exactly with our last episode Kyle, you did a great segue there. But the real reason why I wanted to bring this up is because, personally, I sometimes struggle with this. Right now it's probably the busiest I've ever been in my life. I have two jobs, married with two kids. I'm a third on the way. I've got my Deacon responsibilities here at church. I think there are probably a lot of people who are busier than I am, but for me this is the busiest I have ever been, and so it's really easy for me to let my priorities get out of order.
Speaker 1:Well, there's a saying if you need something done, just find a really busy person.
Speaker 2:Yeah that is partially true. I think Not always.
Speaker 3:It depends on what your priorities are that busy person is thanking you for that. Yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 2:Kyle's like what can I give to Nate right now to do that I need done? Yeah well, it's not higher my priority list, so nice try. So I guess I would just ask you guys do you ever struggle with that Like when life gets busier, keeping your priorities in the right order? Maybe I should ask an open-ended question as opposed to a yes-no answer. This is a podcast.
Speaker 3:So how in?
Speaker 2:what way do your priorities get out of order when you get busy?
Speaker 3:In a lot way, in a lot way.
Speaker 2:You've been hanging out with Kyle.
Speaker 3:Much, many Now. I had this problem too. I feel like I'm less busy now on my current job than I was in a previous job working at a startup company and everything. But I still have a tendency to just pile things on all the time, Kind of like busy all the time.
Speaker 1:Do a lot of things Hear.
Speaker 3:Man of action, man of action right and unfortunately I was just talking with my wife about this today Sometimes it can take the priority of other things. I'm running around here around the church building when I'd probably like to be more focused on what I'm doing here than going and helping in making things or doing things and supporting the work here. But it happens a lot and I just think that it takes opportunities like this where you kind of realign and refocus and things to people to call it out, and unfortunately it usually happens where something else drops the ball A different party that should have been your party, that wasn't.
Speaker 1:Well, I'm a preacher, so my work and home life never get out of balance and it's never stressful and always joy, especially since you don't have any hours of operation.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It's just you and, like you, just have to read and talk right Pretty much.
Speaker 3:Don't you just love to do that all the time anyway.
Speaker 1:I have always had a conscious awareness of this and I've had those times where it feels like I am being pulled 100 different directions or have too many things going on, because if I'm going to study with people, usually that's going to be in the afternoon hours, but in the daytime, when everyone else is working, that's when I do my study and work. So I'm keeping regular office hours, but then I'm also trying to reach as many people as I can and study as many people as I can, which is usually in the evening, which is when I maybe should be home with my family. But that's something I've always wanted to maintain. I don't want to end up like David, because King David seems to me like he was a busy guy. Yeah, he was always writing Psalms or prepping for the temple or going off to fight wars. I mean, he was always doing things, and you see his kids.
Speaker 3:Yeah, kids, yeah.
Speaker 1:One of them, too many to count, oh right, like One of them. One of his kids sleeps with another one of his daughters and his other son kills that son and then runs away, and then he comes back and usurps the throne and then he's killed. And then Solomon takes the throne but kills another one of his brothers to secure the throne, and it's like David. I don't think his kids came a priority in his life and I don't want to be one of those preachers that, in the name of doing good and accomplishing good things that glorify God, my children become the sacrifice.
Speaker 3:Unfortunately, that is like a statistic for preachers, oh where their kids are.
Speaker 2:They're not a priority, they're not necessarily the focal point of Sure. Well, I think it might be. Hopefully more in the past than nowadays, but yeah, I think it might be a good idea for us to like define what we mean when we say priority, what? So I'll ask you guys, what does? What's the definition of priority, what I want to do, what I want to do?
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah, now I want to do is have some fun.
Speaker 2:There you go. I got a feeling I'm not the only one. So I looked up the definition of priority and is the fact or condition of being regarded or treated as more important? And this immediately reminded me of Exodus, chapter 20 in verse three, where this is the the 10 commandments, and God says you shall have no other gods before me. And it just reminded me of our priority. Like this is commandment number one in the Old Testament, and this is what our priority should be is putting God first. I heard as I was doing some research for this episode. I read he's an officer in the military and he said if you have, well, let me just read it instead of trying to quote it here. He said if everything is a priority, then nothing is, and I thought that it was an excellent point.
Speaker 3:I square with the work of the church right, because as men we have multiple priorities. We have to raise our kids, we have to work, so at some point we have to prioritize these things and we need to understand and identify whether or not work in the church is for God, when that meets the priority on the work for God and raising our families, because we're supposed to do both and obviously we're going to say our families are more important or the biblical fact that we're supposed to raise our kids is more important.
Speaker 3:But I think that that's where you can get them mixed up right. Your brain is thinking I'm a priority needs to be God and I'm doing these things for God, and a lot of times in the work of the church. You know that's preaching and different things is your work is affecting multiple people. It's supporting God's word for multiple people versus sometimes you might be thinking. Well, is that more important than the one person?
Speaker 2:that you got at home that we want you to be around.
Speaker 3:I think that that's kind of one of the issues that can be conflict. I think it's obvious what the answer is, but I think that's the mental conflict sometimes that I have and I know that other people have.
Speaker 2:Oh, like okay, so, like example, we could be at home with our families right now, you know, with our kids, or doing whatever there, but we're here doing this. But this could be heard by, you know, people all across the globe who may be really struggling. So what's more beneficial right Me, staying at home and being an example to my kids and spending that time with them, which we know is valuable, or being here and hopefully producing something that is valuable and useful from a, you know, christian perspective, for people all across the globe. And maybe there's, you know, 230 people listening to this, whereas there's only three of your kids listening to you. Well, maybe one or two, three at the most, yeah, but I think that it's not a zero sum game.
Speaker 3:I think that we get in that trap. We get in the trap of thinking it's all or nothing or it's one or the other thing you know, right yeah these things, these priorities, get pitted against each other, where it's just our lack of discipline or our lack of planning and our lack of balancing, which is probably a big skill set that men need to learn and you know how to balance work and life and, you know, may work for the church and things like that.
Speaker 3:So I think that that's the key that you're looking at. It's not that these things aren't important to do and you do either one or the other. It's being disciplined and being able to balance these things.
Speaker 2:So you bring up something that I wanted to talk about, which is some of the things we do in prioritizing our work for God. Is time exclusive, meaning I can't be doing anything else at the same time, like, for instance, when I'm doing my reading, like reading the Bible, I cannot be doing anything else and still be like paying attention to what I'm reading. Maybe other people can't, I can't, so that's time exclusive. Or the time that I spend praying like that is time exclusive. Yeah, I can include my spouse in that, I can include my kids in that, but I do need to spend some alone time with God, and so, in one sense, prioritizing that, making sure that fits into my schedule, is so valuable and so important. But then there's the other aspect of prioritizing, which is, if God is my priority, one singular at the top of my list, then he should be in everything that I do. Does that distinction make sense?
Speaker 3:So what do you mean by in all the things you do?
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, okay. So like I could show up to church and say you know, and spend an hour every morning reading the Bible and praying and then the rest of my life has nothing to do with God. I could do that, but that wouldn't be prioritizing God. That would be prioritizing part of it, right, but making sure that everything I do reflects who he is and everything that I say. Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord. That is, I think the other half of the pie, or maybe the other two thirds of the pie of prioritizing God in our lives, is reflecting him and everything that we do.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and have you ever done that with kids in class where it's like prioritizing their time or time?
Speaker 2:management.
Speaker 1:Same for a lot of rocks.
Speaker 3:Or you have like, yeah, you have the other analogies, or a plate, you have a meal and what you're gonna eat of and how much you eat of it. I think those analogies work really well in getting to the point of understanding, where you tackle the big things, the most priority, first, and then you kind of see what's left over for the other things, because I think it is important to like we might just scrap, like socialization with brethren off the table because we have a lot of other things, but that is an important thing to do for others and for ourselves, and so I think that it's the balance you need to get to and the practical setting of tips on how to do it. There is a balance, but I think what we're kind of like focusing here is just trying to identify what are the big chunks what are the big priorities that you're?
Speaker 3:gonna have and why they're the priority in the first place. Obviously, it's centered around God.
Speaker 1:We gotta be careful here too that we don't let the pendulum swing too far to the other direction. Because when I think of the story in Luke, chapter 10, where Jesus goes to the house of, it says a woman named Martha welcomed her into her house, oh yeah. And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus feet and heard his word. But Martha was distracted with much serving and she approached Jesus and said Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore, tell her to help me. And Jesus answered and said to her Martha, martha, you are worried and troubled about many things, but one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part which will not be taken away from her.
Speaker 1:So I think sometimes the enemy of the best decision is a good decision. Yeah, choosing to serve Jesus was a good decision, but it wasn't as high priority as God is among us. The fullness of deity is walking around this earth in a body of flesh and blood, and serving him is a good choice. But the best choice would be to sit at his feet. So sometimes a good choice is the greatest enemy of the best choice.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's a great point.
Speaker 1:So with prioritizing, we need to understand there's a lot of good things we can be doing, but it is important to ask that question Is this a good choice, or is this the best choice? But we can also let that pendulum swing too far the other direction. When we think about family, that's one of those good choices.
Speaker 1:I don't wanna do too much work as a preacher to where I neglect my family and children. That is wrong. But I could also prioritize my family too high and if I'm not there or available for the work, yeah, I'm missing opportunities because I put family first. Sure, I mean just a page over in my Bible, in Luke 14. Jesus also said Something that is very challenging for us to read. But if anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not bear his cross and come after me cannot be my disciple. But we understand too that you could spend too much time with your family and just as an American, as a conservative American family man, that's hard, that's a hard pill to swallow. But family can also become an unwilling idol.
Speaker 2:So this brings me to one of my other questions that I wanted to ask was how do we know when, when our priorities are in order?
Speaker 3:Or when you found the best, yeah, when you like your son.
Speaker 2:How do we know when that's the case?
Speaker 1:You don't always know, and I think sometimes you don't know till you've crossed across that line and you're. Your marriage might be a little frayed or you might be like I haven't been home before eight o'clock in the last three weeks. Yeah, and maybe so. It's not always easy to perceive ahead of time, but when you recognize it, I think you need to do something about it. I think it's easy to recognize after it's happened. Oh sure sure don't just go along with it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, hindsight is 2020 maybe that's one of the keys to is is not putting that pressure on yourself and you know, just having an open dialogue with your spouse and you know families and things like this, where it's Taking temp checks, if, if it does feel, if there's a strain somewhere in the family or somewhere in your life, that you, your promise, is not to never have any strains or never any difficulties of prioritization, it's when you have a strain because of prioritization issues mm-hmm that I'm gonna identify it and course correct.
Speaker 3:that should be our goal in our conversation is is we're not saying that when it's never gonna happen?
Speaker 1:We're never, you're never gonna, you're never gonna strike a perfect balance.
Speaker 3:I promise I will, I you know and promise to yourself, promise to God, promise to family that I'm going to work hard to identify when that happens. Sure, and course correct when it does, because it's bound to happen.
Speaker 1:I think the fact that you're asking these questions is probably an indication that your heart's in the right place and we have to accept our limitations as a human. We're gonna get things wrong sometimes and sometimes we'll get out of balance. But I think asking these questions is probably the most important thing we can do is just, like John said, attempt check from time to time, just pause and reflect and maybe get your wife's input or your husband's input if you're one of our lady listeners, but get that input from others and just pause and ask I've gotten a little out of balance or my priorities? Have I made a lot of good choices, but maybe I've made too many good priorities that are keeping me from a better priority. And just as long as you're asking those questions, I think that's 90% of the battle and giving grace.
Speaker 3:I mean everyone giving, giving yourself a little grace and then giving each other and in marital relationships a little grace to Make those mistakes and give yourself, and give yourself chipotle and donuts.
Speaker 2:that too, yeah, speaking of priorities, so we talked a little bit about, like, some of the things that compete with God as our priority. We talked about family football, football.
Speaker 1:So I read I'm literally checking my score right now for the Seahawks?
Speaker 2:Well, there's nobody, says Seahawks, nobody really cares. Second, timothy for ten, paul, paul said of Demas. He says Demas is in love with this present world and he's deserted me. I'm obviously paraphrasing that. But what are some of the other things that compete with our, our God as our?
Speaker 3:first priority. I mean we just identified hobbies. Hobbies, I think that's a big one, for you know we're three men here, so most of the time we're gonna come from a male perspective on these things. And you know, maybe that's good for women to understand, Maybe it's a more exclusive.
Speaker 2:The simple male brain.
Speaker 3:But I think as men we can have a lot of hobbies or a lot of interests that can take the value of we spend a lot of money on it or we spend a lot of time and effort to maintain or to focus on. I think there's exercise can do that too. It can be a little less sometimes. I think we need to take care of ourselves to around for a while.
Speaker 2:Is that a? Struggle for you, John, it's totally I don't wanna get too big, you know Too buff.
Speaker 3:So I think it's those things. It's literally just if you we used to do this with kids in school all the time. If you map out your time that you spend through a day or a week, you're gonna see everything where you've spent your time and you calculate it all up it's sleep and it's recreation and it's work a lot. I don't think many men say I spend too much time with my family and I spend too much time in prayer to God or too much time reading God's word.
Speaker 3:I don't think. A lot of men say those things.
Speaker 2:Maybe we should be able to say those things, but I think you're right. Yeah, at least in the phase of life that we're in.
Speaker 1:I think if you're listening to this and you're concerned about, well, what am I gonna have to give up to pray a little bit more, study a little bit more or do more high priority things in my life? What am I gonna have to give up for that? And I think, if that's your concern, start by trimming out some fat from your schedule. John made some good points there. If you have an iPhone, check out what your screen time was last week and maybe start there. If you don't wanna give up golf or you don't wanna give up.
Speaker 3:Do you think it does that on Sunday for a reason? Right, it's like we're in church and it pops up saying this is not much. It's so funny because it happens way too early in the morning.
Speaker 2:On the time it's like you know where'd you spend your time.
Speaker 1:It's funny Because I worry about that, and then I also think that after I put the kids to bed, I usually stay up for another two hours, and that's when I watch my stories, your stories.
Speaker 3:But I also think that's sometimes. I stay up.
Speaker 1:Sometimes I stay up.
Speaker 3:Or even later than I should.
Speaker 1:And I think well, that's my way of unwinding at the end of the day, but also if I'm concerned about giving up something else, well, maybe this is where I should start.
Speaker 1:is maybe I just watch maybe 30 minutes of TV and then I give myself an extra hour to do something that I'm neglecting or something productive, and so I have a lot of fat in my schedule. I have a lot of sugar and carbs and things in my time diet that I could cut out before I get to some of the more meaty and enjoyable parts. I'm really hungry now.
Speaker 3:So, Kyle, when you just said that right there, I was just thinking of or you double up on some of those non-time exclusive things like okay, you want to unwind, at the end of the day, watch a show with your spouse, Sure, yeah yeah. And then you are doing two things right. So you're unwinding, but you're also spending that time with them that they need and want and that you should want, and so I think that finding more opportunities to do the two and one, like okay, so I'm gonna.
Speaker 3:I need to go get my car fixed or do something. Take my kid with me so that I have time with them. They can ask me questions. I'm showing them how to do things in life and I'm spending time with them as well, Getting the things I need done.
Speaker 1:So it's finding more of those times to double up.
Speaker 3:I could get it done faster without the distraction, Sure yeah, but I think that's it's a value, though, as you bring that up, I start thinking, okay, well, what are the things that you can multitask you? Can do two things at once.
Speaker 2:John, I remember when we did the youth event last year and I just remember that you brought James the morning of and I thought that's cool man, because you were just teaching him. You know what you're doing and you were serving God. That was your priority.
Speaker 3:I'm putting him to work actually.
Speaker 2:Well, that's serving God right, put him to work, and so I just I love that you made that point that find those things where you can maybe group two things together, or if you're concerned about family being a part of your service to God, or that you're being away from family too often, then find a way to include them. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and then my B's, you're a seven done when you don't have small little kids you know, I mean it's something you kind of go into a little bit, but I like that encouragement and that help to identify those opportunities where you can blend those priorities.
Speaker 2:Kyle? Is it in Habakkuk or Hosea where he says you guys are spending all this time building your nice houses and then you're neglecting mine? That's in Hagueye I knew it started with A.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you were almost there, it's Habakkuk.
Speaker 2:It's Habakkuk, it's second hand.
Speaker 1:Yeah, according to Alex Trebek, it's. Habakkuk and that was serious cognitive dissonance there, because Alex Trebek can't be wrong but I've never heard it pronounced that way.
Speaker 1:No, that's in Hagueye. He said why are you focusing your energy on building your house, your paneled houses to live in, and my temple is just a foundation. You need to finish that. Yeah, and he says, maybe ask yourself why life is so hard on you right now, why you plant crops but they never seem to produce, why you put money in your pocket but it seems like there's a hole and it falls out. Ask yourself why life is so hard right now and maybe build my temple. Put me first, and then just see how that will work out.
Speaker 2:How does making God our priority impact our life?
Speaker 1:It puts us in a position of dependence upon him, which is what he wants, and that's the whole purpose of prayer. Prayer is not about being God's informant like he doesn't know what's going on in our lives Sure.
Speaker 1:God, I need you to get in line with my will, my desires, what I want. But it's the other way around. It's a reminder that, and that's why Jesus taught us to pray for our daily bread Don't worry about tomorrow, kind of like Qui-Gon Jin says, you should always be mindful of the future, but not at the expense of the present daily bread. Because that kind of prayer, that kind of daily prayer for daily provision, reminds us that, yeah, we work and we earn money and we have an expectation that things will go the way they'll always go and have always gone. But something might come up and change all that in an instant and we can't control that. We are always dependent upon God.
Speaker 3:I think if you're re-evaluating your priorities in life and you start shifting them to more align and focus on God, I think you could see that some aspects of your life, the things that you just enjoy to do, you know that you have fun doing, I think those might pull back and you might feel like in the beginning you're just doing less things that seem fun or that you're getting fulfillment from. But I think that that's our way of retraining our brain to focus on what really is enjoyable in life and what are we supposed to be doing with our life, where then at some point maybe visiting the sick or visiting with other members might be as fun as going and watching that football game or going and doing those Because now you've re-trained your brain to get enjoyment because you know one.
Speaker 3:You bring enjoy to others, but you bring enjoy to most importantly. You bring enjoy to God through this. And so I think if you are feeling in the beginning here, as you start to realign your priorities, that I'm having less fun or doing things I less enjoy, what you should see over some time is re-acclimating, re-identifying what really is enjoyment in your life and where you can get that joy from.
Speaker 2:Oh sure, so this is kind of an interesting thought, but the word priority comes from the Latin word prior and it means that which comes before, that which is more important. And before the 20th century it actually did not have a plural form. There was no such thing as priorities, it was only priority. How would that change our lives today if we simply looked at the word priority as singular and not plural and made God our priority?
Speaker 3:I think we would still make it plural, because we know that there's a lot of things we need to do to be accepted.
Speaker 2:John's like no Nate, you can't do that. I would still find a way to make it plural. He'd be like.
Speaker 3:Well, god wants me to be a good husband, a good father a good son. I mean, like him being the priority, I need to obey his will. So I think I would still find a way to make it plural.
Speaker 1:The singular priority would be to glorify God the way we do. That would take many shapes, Many shapes yeah, oh hey there, smarty pants.
Speaker 2:That was excellent. Can you make that like the headline of this episode? When it comes to priorities, it's just vital that we keep God as our first priority. And, John, like you said, that takes looking at our life and looking at our time and seeing what are we doing with our time. And when we see what we're doing with our time, it tells us what we're doing with our life and putting God first in all things, although it can be challenging is that's our priority.
Speaker 3:Singular one.
Speaker 1:Well, we certainly thank you for leading us in that discussion and taking us in that direction of considering our priorities, and we thank you, our audience, for listening today and hope that you'll take a good look in the mirror and consider the ways you're spending your time. I think time is the most valuable commodity we have and that is a reflection in what you prioritize most in life. So take a good look at your life and how you're spending your time. Think about some of the things we discussed in this episode today and make it a priority to like and share our podcast. If you benefited from this and you think someone else might share it, spread the news. Thank you, everybody. See you next week.
Speaker 2:Does someone want to bring us in, or do you want me to bring myself in, kyle?
Speaker 1:can do it. I don't know the line. Welcome to the Xeropod.
Speaker 3:I can do it, I got it. Welcome to the Xerpod podcast. We're here to start loving good works through Bite Size Biblical.
Speaker 2:Discussion hey John.
Speaker 1:John you've been getting a little too. Your words are running in together. Welcome to the Xerpod. It's the same to stir up.
Speaker 2:So we call that like diary of the mouth. The arsonist had oddly shaped feet.
Speaker 3:That's good.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Are we?
Speaker 1:actually recording because I don't want a phantom recording like two weeks ago.
Speaker 3:We're always recording Three weeks ago.
Speaker 1:Okay, I appreciate you, john.
Speaker 3:I appreciate you. We'll see that Okay.
Speaker 1:Okay, all right, that's the line.
Speaker 2:Welcome to the Xerod podcast. Welcome.
Speaker 1:Welcome, okay, welcome to the Xerod podcast. Where are we? Where are we? Okay, okay, I got it. Stir up.
Speaker 3:Okay, got it you should know, this Got it.
Speaker 1:Okay.
