Exhorter Podcast
Welcome to the Exhorter Podcast where we aim to stir up love and good works, through bite-sized biblical discussion. This local effort of the Church of Christ located in Clovis California is hosted by Kyle Goodwin, Paul Nerland, Nate Shankels, and Jon Bradford.
Exhorter Podcast
46 - Should I Care What People Think of Me?
Ever found yourself grappling with the harsh reality of prioritizing others' opinions over your faith? You're not alone. In this episode, we crack open some biblical accounts to shed light on this dilemma. We look at John 12, where many couldn't openly profess their belief in Jesus due to their fear of the Pharisees. We also explore the story of Ananias and Sapphira (Acts 5) and see how anxiety over people's perceptions can lead to devastating choices.
As we journey through this episode, we examine how age and maturity play pivotal roles in our sensitivity to others' perceptions. Using Paul's experience in Corinth as a blueprint, we see that criticism can often fester even amidst spiritual maturity. But hey, that's where the challenge lies. As parents, we're tasked with instilling in our children a sense of self-worth that reflects their divine representation, aiming to cultivate a mindset that shouts 'None of self and all of Thee'.
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Welcome to the Exordia Podcast. We're here to stir up love and good works through bite-sized biblical discussions. I am joined here today with Nate and Kyle and you all because we are on camera now. You know, we had such a great Kyle and I just kind of subbed in there by ourselves and did a little video for events that we had come up here. It was kind of a great response and so I wanted to aim for video, which means that we're gonna be more live and hey, we listen to the audience and we give you what you want.
Speaker 2:We give you what you want.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you showed us your response. You showed us what you like and we're responding. So you want to see this.
Speaker 3:So now I have to wear a shirt that doesn't have cut off sleeves.
Speaker 1:You have to wear a shirt.
Speaker 2:yes, If this video gets less than 230 views, we know that it's because they don't like seeing it.
Speaker 1:It was Nate that had it.
Speaker 3:Because, he wasn't in the first video, that's okay. I didn't want to be any less.
Speaker 1:Well, let's get right into it. Kyle, you have a topic this morning.
Speaker 2:Yeah, what do other people think about us? Have you ever become self-conscious? Okay, I'm just gonna assume that we all have become self-conscious and we've allowed this thought about. What are other people thinking about me to influence the way we behave? And even sitting here with a camera going now, I'm thinking about constantly keeping my belly sucked in a little bit and my posture good and not letting my hands do weird things.
Speaker 3:I don't know what to do with my hands.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So I'm allowing this thought of what do other people think of me? I'm allowing it to already affect the way I behave, and the Bible has quite a bit to say about this. There are many examples we can read about. There are quite a few people that believed in Jesus, but because they were afraid.
Speaker 2:John chapter 12 is a really good example to get us started and help explain the point I'm trying to make here. In John chapter 12 and verse 42, it says nevertheless, even among the rulers, many believed in him, but because of the Pharisees they did not confess him lest they should be put out of the synagogue, for they loved the praise of men more than the praise of God. That's a great way to start out this discussion, because it highlights the problem here as priorities, do you love God or do you love the praise of men? And when we allow the praise of men or the opinions of others to affect us more than we allow the word of God to direct our steps, that's a real problem.
Speaker 2:Now I want to ask you guys do you ever struggle with this, or can you think of some examples in your life, or examples that maybe you've seen in others, or even a Bible example that comes to your mind to help explain this, and I can start by just sharing that. I think my struggle is I always worry about whether people think I'm smart. I want to sound smart, and so when a topic comes up that I don't know much about, I usually keep my mouth closed. It's too easy, right? Because I don't want to sound dumb. I wait for a topic that I know more about, or I love topics that nobody else knows anything about, because then I can sound really smart and no one can fact check.
Speaker 1:Like Star Trek.
Speaker 3:Like Star Trek.
Speaker 1:Has anyone ever?
Speaker 3:told you that you sound smart about those things.
Speaker 1:More importantly, has anyone ever given you the implication that they didn't think you were smart in the things that you're talking about?
Speaker 2:Not necessarily and that's the problem is a lot of this thought process could just be mostly in your head.
Speaker 1:There is the inflated self that we see. And then there is the low self, thinking of how you're being received by other people. There are some people who get a high over that. There are some people who get excited about that, maybe have an ego or you're thinking kind of an inflated self Like I really want to be seen really well I'm thinking I'm going to dress my best.
Speaker 1:I'm going to look really good. I'm pretty awesome. That's a little different, though, than when someone's really self-conscious and has a low self-esteem and low self-view of themselves.
Speaker 2:Those are two sides of the same coin, but they impact people differently because I think both are a product of concern for other people's opinions. I'm thinking of a certain nameless politician who very much likes to elevate his status and almost brag about his accomplishments all the time. That describes so many politicians, but you know who I'm talking about. That could be a problem too.
Speaker 2:In the Bible you read about in Acts, chapter 5, ananias and Sapphira. That's a classic example of wanting to elevate your status. They're concerned about what other people think of them. They want to raise their stock. They sell this piece of property and give the proceeds in a very public way, even though they kept back part of the price. They wanted to give the impression that they were being more generous than they actually were. Peter and the apostles called them out on it and said you lied to the Holy Spirit. We know that story doesn't go well for Ananias or for his wife Sapphira, but that's a classic example of concern for how other people will perceive me. So I'm going to make a bad choice. I'm going to try and elevate my status by presenting myself as more generous than I really am or more spiritual, or I'll try to sound more intelligent. Those are examples of that side of it.
Speaker 1:What's so wrong with it? To really get into it, what is the issue about? Wanting to be liked by people, or seen as competent, or seen as amazing or great at something? What is the negative there?
Speaker 3:I don't think there's an issue with wanting to be liked by other people. I think it's when that conflicts with doing the right thing.
Speaker 1:That's good Super seeds and it's priorities I had to stop and think.
Speaker 3:But yeah, it's good to do that. Sometimes he's so eloquent.
Speaker 2:I'm pretty sure that Jesus wanted people to like him, admire him, worship him, listen to him. But also you get to John, chapter six, and he says you have to eat my flesh and drink my blood. And people were like I'm out, that's too weird. And he looks at his apostles and Peter and says are you going to leave? Also, there's the door.
Speaker 2:So if Jesus was trying to keep people following him and make them happy, he wasn't doing a good job at it. But he didn't want superficial followers. I think that's the point there. He said some things that really challenged them. So I think Jesus wanted people to like him, but he was not going to compromise his mission. His mission wasn't to make people happy and like him. His mission was to get people's lives changed, to get them to repent and prioritize God first. So he wasn't, as Nate said, he wasn't going to compromise. So I think Jesus wanted to. I think it's okay for us to want people to like us, but not if it compromises our values or our witness for Christ. By projecting a false image. I'm lying about who I am.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that was something, kyle, that you said earlier. John, when you asked well, what's so wrong with that? My first thought is well, what's wrong with that is you're lying. You may not be saying, you may not be telling a lie, but you're putting off this image like you are something that you are not, and most of the time, people can tell when you're not genuine. What do we call that? Disingenuine, isn't that a? That's a pretty big word, kyle. Do you know what that means?
Speaker 1:Ness on the end of that disingenuiness.
Speaker 3:Disingenuosity.
Speaker 2:In any case, Well, I'm going to try and look smart here. Disingenuous.
Speaker 1:Disingenuous.
Speaker 2:Well, the Bible calls for us to be humble, and so, with Ananias and Sapphira, they're trying to get more glory for themselves and less for God. So this all points and that's why I started with John, chapter 12 is liking the praise of men versus the praise of God or the fear of God, and so it's when that gets out of balance that equation gets out of balance, and that's the problem with Ananias and Sapphira is they were not being humble, which is what God expects of us, and they were wanting more glory for themselves, which means less for God.
Speaker 1:To your point. Who should we be thinking about? Who should we? Whose opinion of us should we care about more?
Speaker 2:That's really boils down to is, in those situations where we start thinking about what others are thinking about us, our mind should go to God. He's the opinion that really matters most. He's the one that we need to be mindful of, that people might hate us, and that's the beatitudes. That's what Jesus said. Bless are you. When men persecute you for your faith and for your testimony, jesus told them following me. If they hate me, imagine how they're going to feel about those that follow me. So he told you that, at the end of the day, you can't make people like you and you're going to sometimes have to choose. And following me is going to make people not like you. Are you going to make that choice or are you going to be afraid, like many of the Pharisees, many of the Jews were. They believed Jesus, but they were afraid. They were not ready, like Nicodemus coming to Jesus at night, probably because he didn't want to be seen. He was afraid of that perception of being seen with Jesus. Well, some people do it because they want to elevate themselves. Others do it because they're perhaps afraid or have that low self-esteem. Let me bring up one more example before we move on to how do we address this? How do we get over this fear or this concern of what other people think of me to the point where it no longer should affect our behavior?
Speaker 2:In Galatians, chapter two, paul talks about an interaction he had with Peter and he said that even though Peter was the first apostle to go to a Gentile in Acts, chapter 10, in baptism, we see that Peter had got caught up in some hypocrisy. In Galatians 2 and verse 11, Paul says that when Peter had come to Antioch, I withstood him to his face because he was to be blamed for before certain men came from James. He would eat with Gentiles, but when they came he withdrew and separated himself, fearing those who were of the circumcision, and the rest of the Jews also played the hypocrite with him, so that even Barnabas was carried away with their hypocrisy. But we see that here's an example where Peter and I don't think this is Peter trying to elevate himself so much more a matter of maybe he just got caught up in the wrong crowd or got concerned with how does this look?
Speaker 2:There's more Jews here now, and how's it going to look if I'm associating or eating with Gentiles? I need to maybe change the way I behave. So there's another example where even an apostle behaved in such a way, and it was infectious, even Barnabas and Barnabas. It's hard to say a bad thing about Barnabas, but even he got caught up in this kind of thinking, where this concern over how does it look for me? I'm Peter, I'm Jewish, to eat with these Gentiles, but it's Paul opposed him because he knew better.
Speaker 3:It kind of brings up a good point that our behavior affects others. Like the people that were around, they can get caught up in the things that we're doing. So it's not just about oh well, I look good to these people or don't look good to these people, but how I respond could affect you or could affect John or whoever else that I'm around.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's the I think that's the most important part is just asking what kind of example am I leaving and how am I reflecting Christ? That's the key concern. Am I more concerned with Christ and my witness of Christ and my example of Christ, or am I more concerned with fitting in Because we can do this all day long in the church? We might want to act more righteous or shy away from confessing our sins, or even in Bible class. Maybe that's why sometimes I wonder why people don't participate. Or, when I ask a question, why so few people are ready to chime in. Is it maybe because I'm afraid of asking a dumb question and being embarrassed? You could go all day long about how this applies in the church.
Speaker 2:Even outside the church, like Peter with these Jews who had come down, we might think that when we're with friends that are outside of the church, I don't want to act a certain way. I don't want to act too religious around them. I'm afraid of how they'll think of me. So it can happen all day long. But our main concern and this is where we get into the end of how we move on from this how do we avoid falling into this trap and I think Paul is a really good example. Here In Corinth there were some very strong opinions about Paul. Some people really didn't like Paul and a lot of people even questioned his authority as an apostle, and I think they probably I think they even were making fun of his appearance. He writes these weighty letters but he's not much in person. He's not a very good public speaker. There's a lot of criticisms about Paul.
Speaker 3:I think that this mattered a whole lot more to me when I was younger what other people thought of me as a teenager, and then even into my early mid-20s, it mattered to me what other people thought of me, and to a certain degree it still does. But I'm so much now more comfortable and confident in who I am and really truly know who I am, that this is not as much of an issue. It still is, but it's not as much of an issue. Did you guys experience that?
Speaker 2:Oh, definitely. Growing up in Seattle in the 90s, I had to have super baggy clothes and my mom was always telling me pull your pants up, I had to sag them down below. Super baggy clothes and had to have the Jansport backpack and Adidas Sambas on my feet.
Speaker 3:Okay, I was the Cortezes, but you're just cool.
Speaker 2:Well, you're older than me, California. Oh yeah, true. True John was probably just not cool. No, not at all no thank you, but he probably didn't care. He probably didn't care. I think John was born 70 years old. No, but I think age is a factor. Though I'll stop picking on John from over here. I think age is a factor, because I often joke about that, that I can't wait until I become an old man where I can just say whatever I want unfiltered, and not care, what other people think.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Okay, no, that's not a real thing.
Speaker 1:No, I just wanted the white whiskers to come in so people can see the internal wisdom.
Speaker 3:So that you look more wise than you are.
Speaker 1:Now, I think I did care about it as a kid very much as well, and I think when my kids mention things or they do things where you know why you care about that, okay, the social pressures of looking cool or not, looking not cool I mean not the same thing, but there's like a pendulum, right, we don't want them to not care what anyone thinks of them at all, right, I mean, when a kid or someone says I don't care what anyone thinks, you know one, you know that they're wrong, but two they. That's not a healthy perspective to be in, where you just don't care what anyone thinks about you.
Speaker 1:Then again, you don't want to have a inflated self where you care so much what people think about you. There's the middle portion there, where it's you want them to have the right opinion of who you really are inside and what you're reflecting, and I think that that's what we're leading to. That's the key thing, but I mean that's. The problem, though, is I hear so many times people talk about or people mentioning I don't care what people think about me.
Speaker 1:And one like I said you know they're lying because they really do and that's like a defense mechanism but two. That's not a good perspective to be in where you just really go through life with no care how people are affected by you and what people think about who you are and who you represent. Sure.
Speaker 2:Well, who you represent is really the key here, because there is quite a bit of scripture, so we don't swing the pendulum too far. One direction. Proverbs 22 and verse one says a good name is to be more desired than great wealth, favor better than silver and gold, and we want to make sure that our example is good among Gentiles. That's something that Peter talks about first, peter two and verse 12,. Keep your behavior excellent among the Gentiles so that the thing in which they slander you as evildoers they may, because of your good deeds as they observe them, glorify God in the day of visitation. That's what Peter wants you to do is glorify God. He wants people to glorify God by seeing your behavior. So I'm not so much concerned with what they think about me, but I should be very concerned with what they think about God, and for a lot of people, all they're going to see about God or know about God is through their interaction with me. So that's what really matters.
Speaker 1:Right and well. I mean the influence, everything that comes from us, what we say, what we do at work, in personal life, at home. By extension, our kids, our wives, our family members, who we have an authority to help guide. That's also reflection on, necessarily, us, us and God. A young child, they're not going to necessarily know or care about what God thinks of them and how they're perceived by the world, but what you teach them is that they're a reflection on you and your parents. I think that that's where, as we raise them, to look at us and the authority that we have over them and their reaction to us.
Speaker 2:We want to see the progression of the hymn that we sing None of the, all of self, none of the, some of self, some of the more, less of self, more of the, until it's none of self and all of the. That's the progression we want to see. And when our faith matures to the point where and we're not always going to be all of God and none of self, but that's the ideal we strive for, and as our faith mirrors that point and and we get there at times that's going to be the key here. It doesn't matter, people might hate you for your faith, people might say awful things about you for your faith. People lose their jobs because of their faith or their values, and those things shouldn't matter, because we're representing God and the reason is because we're putting God first in our life. But if we're going out of our way and setting a bad example and just being rude, we're tarnishing the name of Christ by extension of our behavior. So we need to get to that mindset and this is.
Speaker 2:I'll just leave with two examples in Paul's life In Philippians one and verse 19,. As he's sitting in a prison cell, he said Philippians, chapter one, verse 19, that the goal of our life is for Christ to be magnified in our bodies, whether by life or by death. Paul says if I can have a prison, it's great, but if I die here, I will have died for a good cause and Christ will be glorified, win, win. And similarly, when we talk about his experiences with the church in Corinth, there were many there that criticized Paul and had very strong opinions of him.
Speaker 2:But you know what he said in 1 Corinthians 4, let a man so consider us as servants of Christ and stewards of the mystery of God. Moreover, it is required and stewards that one be found faithful. But with me it's a very small thing that I should be judged by you or by a human court. In fact, I do not even judge myself, for I know of nothing against myself. Yet I'm not justified by this. But he who judges me is the Lord, says I don't really care that you judge me this way, but I do care what you think about the Lord and I will set the record straight on God.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think it's important that we care a little bit about what other people think of us, because that is our influence. If people absolutely cannot stand you, then they're not going to listen to a word that you say and they're not going to want to emulate you at all. So we do have to care somewhat what other people think about us.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Well, that's a qualification of elders. They have to have a good reputation even outside of the church. Yeah, that's a great point. Now, again, you can't always control that if people hate you.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It'd better be for a good reason. Sure, because of your faith. Yeah, and because you put God first.
Speaker 1:Like how does this subject kind of help you in your decision making and your thought processes going throughout the day and at work or social situations? How might it affect us on a day to day?
Speaker 3:I think for me it's a reminder like at work, sometimes around my coworkers, I know that I'm more conscious of the fact that I'm the only Christian in the room and it's not as important to them or important at all to them, and so I guess I'm a little bit yeah, just conscious of that fact, and so it affects sometimes what I say, and I don't think I should hold back maybe as much as I do and be concerned with what they think about me and my faith.
Speaker 1:Well, I think we do that for a couple different reasons, though. Right, we do that for employment reasons. I mean, this day and age, I mean people make an HR issue out of very little, but I can see that it's something to think about, you know, and how they perceive me. Or, if I ever get to the point that I'm going to talk about my faith, that it be aligned with my actions and my words in the past right, so I mean sometimes you will have someone at work who is maybe has a faith right.
Speaker 2:Maybe a.
Speaker 1:Mormon, or maybe they're religious, or maybe they're Christian. They might have a perspective of what a Christian should do, and if you don't align to that perspective, you're not really being authentic in their eyes.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's a good point.
Speaker 1:I think this comes up a lot more with when raising your kids.
Speaker 3:Oh, like what other people think of them.
Speaker 1:Just the way we instruct them, whether it is that they should, who they should care about, what they should care about. Like a lot of times, you know you don't want to be. You want to protect their self-esteem, so you want them to keep up with some of the Jones, but not maybe all the Jones I'm thinking of. Like, my kid wants a cell phone right now.
Speaker 3:You know, oh yeah.
Speaker 1:And all the other kids have one. When they get home at the end of the day they'll talk to each other and he's left out of that it's kind of like in the Incredibles, when Jack Jack is in the race and he's like way behind You're like no no, no try harder.
Speaker 3:He gets way in. Front.
Speaker 2:No, no, no, no.
Speaker 3:Second place, second place.
Speaker 2:And it's like we want you to fit in not too far, yeah.
Speaker 1:And that's the thing is, we want them to have a healthy social view among their peers and themselves. So because the alternative is them feeling like an outcast and that can work on them, so you want them to have a little bit of that. But then you don't want them to acclimate and so I just said there and think about this as we raise our kids, you want them to be man. If our kids knew who exactly they were, and we're so self-confident in that, like that's a proud moment when you can raise a kid that has that. Because we see that and when we do VBS we see that when a kid's very confident and they seem happier, they seem well-adjusted and they seem that they're primed to take on the world and to withstand the wiles of the devil, to keep that character.
Speaker 1:So I think about that, not that I don't think about this for myself, but I do think about this a lot when it comes to kids and how we parent and the decisions that we make for them or encouraging them in their choices, that they make.
Speaker 2:That's why we have to teach them God first and show them God first in our lives Again. None of self and all of thee that's the mindset that will get you over this fear of what other people think of you. You said show Show.
Speaker 1:Through our lives. We have to demonstrate it to our children every day, so in any other. Are there any other examples or situations in which you might put God first?
Speaker 3:Yeah, every situation and every example. I mean, what stage of life are you in? And there's an example for that putting God first when you're talking to your family. That's not Christians. How do you show them that God is first? Well, maybe that means that you go visit and you go to church on Sunday and the rest of your family doesn't. I've been in that boat before and it's kind of awkward. You're the only one leaving and the rest of the family is like where you going? I'm going to church, oh, okay, and you, just you stand up for your faith, what you believe in, no matter the situation that you're in, although that is not easy, but it's the right thing to do.
Speaker 2:I think it takes practice.
Speaker 3:Oh, yes, yes, Kyle.
Speaker 2:Just like public speaking. You're uncomfortable with it at first. Yes, so you do more of it. Yeah, that's right. And I think you find these situations and you say I'm going to practice Next time the Bible comes up, I'm not going to shy away from the fact that I'm a Christian, and you tell yourself that and you just practice is the whole idea here is that you have to do this through repetition and you're going to fail. You have to learn from those failures.
Speaker 3:Discipline. Kyle, thanks for that insightful episode. It's a great topic that I think all of us can relate to caring about what other people think of us, how much should we care about what other people think of us? And putting God first in every situation is really going to help guide us in that. So thanks for tuning in today. Thanks for listening. We hope that this has been helpful and valuable for you. If it has, please like and share so that we can get the word out and influence more people.
Speaker 2:Please like and share. We really are concerned with what you think of our podcast.
Speaker 1:Please do that, Kyle more so than you can get out of bed. We don't have 15 lines.
Speaker 3:That didn't sound very smart, kyle. Maybe if you could say that in a higher language please.
Speaker 1:More better, please, all right. So yeah, get this comfortable directionally towards you, like this. Yeah, that's good, just so we're not bleeding into each other's mics.
Speaker 3:It makes it a little easier.
Speaker 2:Is it bad if I make direct eye contact with the camera?
Speaker 1:Try not to, because this is still a conversation.
Speaker 2:What if I'm like? Well, what about you, the audience, and I look right at the camera. Can I do that?
Speaker 3:I think that's the end, I think I'm going to laugh a lot. Today we won't get to talk about very much importance. As you were talking, kyle, I was thinking about my brain is not.
Speaker 1:And he said you see, I'm so as you were talking, I was thinking yeah, yeah, yeah, I was listening to a word that she just said.
Speaker 3:I'm so self-conscious right now because the camera's on. It's new. Keep that in there. What's your point? Do you have a? I do even have a point.
Speaker 1:I don't want you to move away from it. If you had one.
Speaker 3:No, I did have one and then I lost it in the ether. I'm really sorry. Then it's gone, it'll come back. I'm sorry. Cracker Knuckles, fingers will fall off and he goes for the neck. Cracker Neck your head will fall off.
Speaker 1:Now are you going to get into? Are you just trying to be contrarian? No, no, no, no. I'm wanting, Before I get into this, I'm wanting, If one of your points is to get into the point of having a good report or name character among people.
Speaker 2:There's a difference. Part of that. If you'd been here for the briefing, you'd know that's on the back of the page.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah. What were you doing, John?
Speaker 1:Like setting up and making sure that this is, is it?
Speaker 2:in the back of the page here. Yeah, also back of the page.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I was, so I was setting up everything. I'm kind of loud, kyle.
Speaker 2:It's in the briefing report. I was still on the beginning, still on the beginning, still on the beginning.
Speaker 3:Don't cry out loud because it's on.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're in that first point there, Okay okay, we're good.
