41 - Reviving Gratitude for a Contented Life

In this podcast episode, we explore the pervasive struggle of falling into the comparison trap and succumbing to negativity, especially fueled by the influence of social media. By delving into the harmful consequences of these traps on both our well-being and relationships, we uncover the true cost of constantly reaching for more while neglecting gratitude. Drawing inspiration from real-life experiences, we discuss teaching contentment and resilience to our children and how fostering an attitude of gratitude can amplify our happiness and fulfillment. Join us on this transformative journey as we break free from the comparison cycle and prioritize the driver's seat of gratitude in our lives.

Scripture References:

• Philippians 4:4: "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!"
• James 1:2: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds."

Contact the Exhorter Podcast

• Email us at media@clovischurchofchrist.org
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Thanks for listening!

Transcript

Speaker 1 0:09

Welcome to the Exordr podcast, where it is our aim to stir up love and good works through bite-sized biblical discussion. What are we talking about?

Speaker 2 0:17

today. So my daughter, brooklyn, came home from Bible class this last week with a well-traced Bible verse, which was her memory verse, and I asked her what it was. I said, brooklyn, what's your memory verse? And she said Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say rejoice, philippians 4-4. And I think this was the first Bible verse that she had ever memorized. But it was a reminder to me of something that I forget a lot, which is to rejoice. I just get down sometimes and I forget to be grateful for the many, many blessings that I have, and I don't think that I'm alone in that. And so I wanted to talk today about being grateful and that old song Count your Blessings. So I wanted to ask us a question what is it in your life that steals your gratitude? What takes that gratitude or gratefulness that you might have?

Speaker 1 1:32

away, Nate. Hate to say this, but we basically covered the same topic in season one.

Speaker 2 1:37

Well, I didn't listen to it. No, I'm kidding. Oh okay, I'm kidding, john, I did listen to it. I don't want you to be mad at me.

Speaker 1 1:44

You're out of here Done. Yeah, that's the question.

Speaker 3 1:48

The government, the government steals your joy.

Speaker 2 1:51

Mine too. Mine too Every April 15th.

Speaker 1 1:55

You know what steals. My joy is comparison. When I start looking around at what other people have, it makes me aware of what I don't have and I start focusing on that. I know contentment is the key. It's not about having more. I mean, I know we're getting ahead of ourselves and Nate's over there like scratching out parts on his notes already, but we're just getting way ahead, I wish.

Speaker 2 2:17

I were that prepared. I'm taking notes. Oh, let's talk about contentment.

Speaker 1 2:19

No, we lean into the conversational aspect of this podcast unscripted, edited for content, though, for sure, but no. For me it's comparison. And that's the double-edged sword of Facebook or Instagram is. I love seeing what's going on in people's lives, but it's a really easy platform to just share a little too much. I want to see people on their vacations, but then when I see that, I also think man, they got to go on another cruise this year and here I've had zero cruises. What gives? And then I start becoming focused on the wrong thing.

Speaker 2 2:53

Yes, I can literally picture a picture that I saw on Facebook two weeks ago about a childhood friend of mine who was in Hawaii with his family. And I'm thinking I'm not in Hawaii with my family, how come? And I just I get to doom scrolling on Facebook and then I end up beating myself up for what I don't have or who I'm not and not remembering what I do have.

Speaker 1 3:21

The worst thing is when someone just goes completely offline and disappears off social media and I'm like what are you happy now? Did you find contentment?

Speaker 3 3:30

And honestly, it's a huge thing. There's a lot of psychologists that come out talking about social media, what it does to kids alone, but it's adults as well. It's this FOMO, it's this feeling of not measuring up to the lives of other people, and yet all the studies show that people are only showing them like 2% of the good things in their lives that happen. And it's such a narrowed, only positive, beautified version of people's lives. And yet it can give you this oh man, I don't take my kids out and do these things enough. Or, oh man, if we only had a little bit more money and we could do those things. It's really unhealthy. It's just a big comparison and it makes me think to try to project your life as is, or show you social media at all.

Speaker 3 4:14

Basically which is why I love shows like Bluey for our kids Like one of the best things is they'll show this show and the two little girls are in the back seat and, unlike any other cartoon, they'll actually show you what real life looks like. The back seat is thrashed, there's candy canes stuck to the back of the seats, there's trash everywhere. It shows you what real life is like, and I love when you get those little glimpses and depictions of what real life is like, because you're then realizing, hey, everyone's just like me, everyone's got the same problems.

Speaker 2 4:41

How funny would that be if everybody posted a balanced life to social media right. Like all the terrible things that happen to them, as well as the good things. Oh wow, I guess I'm not alone, or boy, I'm really glad I'm not that person.

Speaker 3 4:54

Comparing Kyle. I agree it's a hard one and I think it's just kind of best to focus on your own world and your own priorities.

Speaker 2 5:01

Okay, John, would that be your answer to what steals? My joy is comparison.

Speaker 3 5:07

What steals my joy is negativity. I try to be a very optimistic person. I get really excited about trying to do things and then when I come across people who kind of flippantly might just say, well, that's not going to work or something, it really just gets me down. I generally like to try to think of ways to make things work better and learn from the past why they don't work. And I find that it works all the time in a corporate world. The next person next to me has been there 20 years and they have all the reasons why things didn't work in the past. And I kind of think of myself as someone who thinks differently. So give me a chance. I'd say that it zaps me. Yeah, it pulls all the energy and motivation. Yeah, I think is a good thing to want to do things. Sure, it just brings me back down to why I can bother, yeah. Yeah, maybe not for too long, sure, but it definitely Zaps my energy.

Speaker 2 5:59

You know, yeah, I can make you cynical when you come up negative Nancy.

Speaker 3 6:02

I have a strong sarcastic, yeah yeah Thread within me. Anyways, that's really really as long.

Speaker 2 6:09

And so it's really easy to get cynical, obviously, yeah well, I think for me, some of the things that steal my my joy or just make me forget to be grateful, are well like. For me it's, it's especially financial challenges, like if we have a Financial problem in our family, like I am just down in the dumps and you know why is this happening, trying to figure out how to, how to turn it around, and I can really, you know, get down for a good, good period of time.

Speaker 3 6:37

You just need a bigger rug. Oh Sweet these things, you just ignore them.

Speaker 2 6:44

I was like John, if I'm having financial troubles, I can't buy a bigger Thanks actually crazy way to rub that in man. For me that's that's a challenge, and I've also noticed like if, if someone in my family is down, then I tend to be affected by that also and I and I forget the things that bring me joy and the things that I should be grateful for, and I just I kind of get in this Negative headspace where I'm always counting what I don't have Instead of what I what I do have. I've got another question for you guys what gratitude practices do you have in your home or in your personal routine that help you stay Grateful or help you pull you out of a slump when you realize, oh hey, you know I'm not being very grateful right now.

Finding Gratitude in Daily Life

Speaker 3 7:34

My kids used to have this thing. When we do our prayer at dinner time, they would always pray for those who are sick and those who are sad and those who do not have homes. When they found out that there are people who don't have homes, I mean they were just, they were just heart, they were like what do they do? You know, they were, they were so bothered by that and it was kind of it was really endearing. I think a lot of times I'm shown by them, by their comments, that even if you ask them what they really want to do in the world, no, let's just spend time with you. And so I think it's things like that that just bring me back down to Reality, like I guess our house doesn't need to be a big, huge house. I guess we don't need to have all these things. At the end of the day, these kids are pretty happy kids and they just want time. Their perspective of through prayers and stuff has kind of done that to me. Show me some things.

Speaker 1 8:20

You ever driven past your childhood home?

Speaker 3 8:24

No, it's a long way from here.

Speaker 1 8:28

Yes, before. Yeah, yeah, did it seem smaller? Does it seem like that's it? Yeah, there's a lot of bars on the windows. Point is bigger when I live there and looking at it now, I would think that that's kind of a small house but as a kid. I never. That thought never entered my mind.

Speaker 3 8:52

Do we do we have like 18 acres?

Speaker 1 8:54

who's like, yeah, quarter, yeah, yeah, yeah, I never I never thought we lived in a small house, but yeah, you know, driving past it, it's a one-level kids don't really care about that stuff bedroom house and I'm like. But I didn't think about that at the time and you know I get concerned about that. You know, as the house I live in big enough for my kids gonna think they're poor or something. Yeah, I never thought that one's growing up, it's really don't they.

Speaker 3 9:19

They may. If they do, it's just influenced by other kids and sometimes there's Other people out there that are friends and stuff that may be Materialistically focused on things that creeps in, but by default I don't think kids really care too much. My kids have just told me we want to stop moving around. We would like to stay in one place because we've moved all the time. Yeah, they like to have something more stable in their life, but sure that's how that moving makes kids strong.

Speaker 2 9:43

What yeah, that's my. Whenever. Whenever something less than great happens in our, I'm just my. My reasoning is always Well, it'll make them tougher, sure, dad? So it'll make them tougher yeah.

Speaker 1 9:57

Something we learned at summer camp called high, low, buffalo, and we do this with our kids. You, just, every Sunday, we have our family meeting and what's a high point, what's a low point, and Buffalo is a random thing that you just thought was fun that week. It's just a way of reflecting and Just gonna try to do that on a nightly basis just one good thing, one good thing from the day and Focus on that, so we, you know, finish the day having thought about something positive.

Speaker 2 10:24

Yeah, yeah, we do something similar at our dinner table. I I give the kids two options to say would would you like to say the prayer or would you like to say something You're grateful for you every now and then you're grateful for? And so they'll pick which one they want to say, and more often than not they pick, they want to share what they're grateful for.

Speaker 3 10:41

Which is good, because they're girls and they shouldn't be practicing prayer Right right.

Speaker 2 10:45

We like to make sure that they know that they're not allowed to do that. That's funny, yeah, no, but they get to share what they're grateful for, and Ashley and I share what we are thankful for from the day as well. And I think it's just a quick reminder even on the hard days, the long days, even when we're not doing great, there are still things to be thankful for and to be grateful for.

Speaker 3 11:14

No, I'm glad you guys do that. We do something similar, but not consistent. Yeah, like when we have thought about it and where the kids will actually be the ones to bring it up. What do we like from today? You know they'll actually do that occasionally, but I like the fact that you guys do that consistently. I need to do it more consistently with my kids. Yeah, it's good.

Speaker 2 11:32

So I wanted to read this passage here. Colossians 2, 6 and 7 says Therefore, as you have received Christ Jesus, the Lord, so walk in him, having been firmly rooted and now being built up in him and established in your faith, just as you were instructed and overflowing with gratitude. And so I just wanted to ask you guys how do we get to the point where we are overflowing with gratitude on a consistent basis? What do you think it takes?

Speaker 3 12:03

How do we continue to remember to do it? I mean like build a habit?

Speaker 2 12:08

This is overflowing with gratitude. I mean, that's just the idea that we keep pouring into the cup.

Speaker 3 12:14

you know like, yeah, it's always those verses where it's like, without ceasing, or you know, like, you know, 70 times seven. It's just this, this high-perbaly for effect.

Speaker 3 12:29

Maybe high-perbaly for effect. I mean, I think he's literally telling you like should be so a part of your lives that it's instinctual, it's habit and I think, just like building any habit, you just got to do it awkwardly until it, you know, makes sense and maybe literally put on a signpost on your wall and your house. I mean, whatever it takes kind of hard to. Everyone's a little different as far as how to build those habits and traits. But prayer time that's where it happens most of the time, the dinner table, prayer time. I think that's the best place to start.

Speaker 2 13:04

Yeah, prayer time that's. We do that at bedtime too is just when we're gonna say a prayer. What you know let's say tell God what we're thankful for, in addition to asking him for things.

Speaker 3 13:12

I think with the kids it's easy to put it as a ritual prayer time thing to ask them. I think, where the most difficult part happens in the daily conversations with your spouse about things, because that's where you kind of go unscripted right and you kind of go maybe you don't have a formula for how you talk about things and they're rushed there hey, I need to go over here and buy this, and what do you mean? We don't have money, life, you know snowballs and so I think that that's the for some of your examples.

Speaker 3 13:44

You know if it's finances or it's just unmet expectations or whatever it is. I think that maybe, talking through this with your spouse before time, right Prepping before time and say, hey, if we ever get to a situation where we are so negative about something and we cannot find the positive, one of us needs to push pause, you know, and we need to go for a walk or do some sort of pattern interrupt, like we've talked about with habits.

Speaker 3 14:10

Do something that allows us to take a step back and think about these things. And you know what does it for me when I scroll through my phone photos oh yeah.

Speaker 2 14:19

And.

Speaker 3 14:19

I see photos of the how, the happy times in the last three, four months or years and I look through there and, just like man, I've gone through there where I've looked at those memories that pop up on your phone and I'm like I just got to go call my daughter right now. Like where I listened to a song on the radio about like dads and daughters, I'm like, oh man.

Speaker 2 14:38

I need to go home right now.

Speaker 3 14:39

I got to quit work and go home. You know it's just taking time and those opportunities, I think, to just sit in that and realize how blessed we are and remind ourselves of those.

Speaker 2 14:51

So as you were talking, john, and I wasn't listening.

Speaker 3 14:55

I was thinking no, just kidding. That is a famous say yeah, yeah, I was talking, I was thinking.

Speaker 2 15:00

I was thinking, so I wasn't listening to you, no, but my mom came to mind, because my mom is this eternally positive person. I mean, she'll come to visit. Is that where you get it? Am I eternally positive? I think you are.

Speaker 3 15:14

Okay, excellent. You seem really positive from most people's perspective.

Speaker 1 15:20

Excellent good Okay.

Speaker 2 15:21

Yeah, you should.

Speaker 1 15:22

I think that just comes with being generally in shape. He's got more, he's got more breaths in him. He just projects contentment, because I think it comes with.

Speaker 3 15:35

I think it comes with ranchos, I think it's a ranchos thing, I think there's whatever some things in the water up there, kyle, it's definitely not a singer thing.

Speaker 2 15:42

Hey, our water comes from deep, deep, close to the core of the earth. It's expensive to get that water. We digress, yes, yes, digression. So my mom is just this really positive person. She'll come visit and we have normal chores and stuff to do around the house and it'll be after a long day and we've had done something fun with Nana. That's what we call my mom. We've done something fun with Nana and we get home and the girls need something, I don't know. They need their room cleaned and it's an absolute disaster. And my mom will just be like and she's getting a little bit older, so she may not have as much energy as she used to, but she'll just hop off the couch and go. I'll do it. And I ask her you know why? Why do you? Why do you do that? You don't have to do that. Like you're our guest, you're visiting, she goes. Oh well, this will give me an opportunity to spend more time with Brooklyn. You know, help her clean her room. And that's just one silly example.

Speaker 2 16:33

But I remember being a kid and she was like that. She would always find the good. I hated doing the dishes as a kid, and she said oh well, nate, make it a game. You know time yourself and see, see how long it takes you to do that. And that made it more enjoyable. I'm not going to say fun, because my wife will hear this, but that made doing the dishes more enjoyable.

Speaker 2 16:56

And so she was always looking for the positive in things. And even now she lives seven hours away or five hours away from from her grandkids, and so she doesn't get to spend as much time as she would want with them. But you never hear her complaining. She's always talking about the good times that she gets to spend with them and the pictures that she sees, but I know that she could be saying, oh, I live five hours away, I'm not right around the corner. I wish I was. And so, as we are having this conversation, I am just thinking that one of the ways to for your cup to overflow with gratitude is to look for the good in every situation, and if you're really looking, I think you'll be able to find it.

Importance of Gratitude in Relationships

Speaker 1 17:34

Well, never. You mentioned never complaining, and that's something I try. I'm probably more rational about these things than a lot of people, partly because I'm half Vulcan on my dad's side purely logic based. But just do this. Thought Exercise, thought, exercise, yeah yeah. And just ask yourself if you find yourself grumbling or complaining, thinking thing don't, don't get me off track here. If you find yourself grumbling or complaining, just start asking yourself what do I hope to accomplish by this? How was this going to make my life or anyone around me's life better? Yeah, what is this going to accomplish? And the answer is always going to be nothing. Sure, I'm dissatisfied with this person right now, so I'm just going to be mean around them or give them a cold shoulder or something. And well, how's that going to help them? How's that going to help? And that's not going to help me either. And so it's just, it doesn't do any good, and that's that's a very logical way for me to approach these situations and just realize like this has changed my attitude.

Speaker 2 18:34

Yeah, I just thought of James. One, two, count it. All joy when you encounter various trials. It's this whole idea of hey, look for the good even in these, even in these difficult situations. That's totally a godly attitude for for us to take, because in those challenges that we face it's going to build our faith and make it stronger. Dishes is still not fun.

Speaker 1 18:59

Well, you're right. I guess the only joy I get out of dishes is that then Jessica doesn't have to do it, and that makes her happy. Well there you go.

Speaker 2 19:07

You're a good husband, you're a good husband.

Speaker 3 19:08

You know, one thing I was thinking of is I might come home and I might vent to my wife about the situation. I think there's actually some value in having a safe space to really just kind of air out all those bad thoughts.

Speaker 1 19:20

Oh, sure, yeah. And when you need to vent about your wife, you go to the podcast.

Speaker 3 19:27

But I think that maybe having a conversation with our spouse that, hey, sometimes I want to come home and I just going to vent about something and I'm looking to you to help me. I'm not going to take it with me from there and it changed my perspective about that person or that thing, but I'm obviously I'm going to be looking to you to help me get back on track. Am I thinking sometimes just need to talk Me? Once I have actually gone through the process and talked all these things out, it is easy for me to then sit back and go, okay, what were they thinking? Maybe they had no intention of being that way I can go, empathize and start going through other people's perspectives on the situation. Then I start giving a little more grace and then it's easier for me to get beyond this issue.

Speaker 3 20:15

But sometimes I need to express how I'm feeling about something and that frustration I have with whatever life is thrown, and so I think, maybe having a conversation about that, that it's okay time at Kona Silence, it's okay to have that kind of venting, but with no malice, with just the. I just want to express how I'm feeling about this and I need you to help me make sure that by the time I leave this Kona Silence, I'm back on track and I'm not thinking ill of someone or something or anything. I think that would help me. I think we do that, me and Taylor, but I don't think we it's a stated thing we do. I think it's just something we naturally will go through and kind of back and forth we help each other. But I think a purposeful process to kind of get through those emotions and then get back to that logic, the Vulcan mind, where you're saying, okay, this really doesn't mean anything to me, it doesn't affect me. Sure, I'm not really affected by this.

Speaker 2 21:13

You know, another thing if you don't have, you know, that person that you feel comfortable sharing those things with I know I've done this in the past, especially before I got married was journaling. I would write down all of my you know, whatever bad thoughts that came to my mind, and then I would, I could see them on paper and I'd look at them and go, well, that's just silly, you know, I don't need to be upset about that thing. And then, on the flip side of that, I would write about the things that I was thankful for, and I remember more than one time actually counting my blessings, and it's one of those things. It's like a ball rolling downhill. You just pick up speed and you keep writing and writing and you realize, oh, my goodness, my life is full, so full of so many different blessings. And this was before. This was before I had kids. This was, you know.

Speaker 1 22:02

Yeah, Start pulling on that thread of counter. We actually start counting your blessings. Start pulling on that thread. And it's almost like when I'm praying and I get to the part about gratitude or Thanksgiving, which is always mentioned in the scriptures, it's like I get sidetracked from what I'm praying about and end up like, well, I didn't mean to spend this long, but I'm over here, and, by the way, journaling that's probably a pretty good idea.

Speaker 1 22:25

It's better to put it in a journal that you keep in your desk rather than out there in the public forum so you can get canceled and fired from your job years later.

Speaker 3 22:32

You mean blogging. You're going to journal, yeah, instead of putting your darkest, most unfiltered thoughts out there on.

Speaker 1 22:38

Twitter, you should just write it down and put it in your desk drawer and maybe rethink it before you put it out there in the public forum. So that's a pretty good idea.

Speaker 3 22:47

Just trying to live a life wide open, yeah.

Speaker 2 22:49

Well, let's not, let's not. So the last thing that I wanted to share it goes back to Kyle what you mentioned at the very beginning of the podcast Thanks for ruining the ending. This actually is a means of great gain when accompanied by contentment, and I think that is a key to gratitude, to thankfulness, to joy is being content with the things that we have, not just from a material perspective, but everything in life, being content with what you've got, and I think in that way we can build that cup overflowing with gratitude kind of life. And I think the real thing to be grateful for is relationships, first and foremost our relationship with God.

Speaker 2 23:41

I mean when you think about what Jesus did for us and a father giving up his child for somebody else. I mean when you really think about that. I mean imagine one of your friends doing that for you or you doing that for one of your friends. Really, I think puts it in perspective and that I think should produce some sincere gratitude in our hearts. But then I mean just even like right now, spending this time, just the three of us talking on the podcast and laughing and joking like man. There have been times in my life when I did not have that and it seems like a small thing, but boy, what a difference it makes. What a difference it makes and it's all about, and that's all about the relationships.

Speaker 3 24:22

You mean when Paul wasn't here?

Speaker 1 24:24

Yeah well, we can laugh like this much with Paul Up until you just said that I was thinking I wish I was taking a nap instead, but Now I appreciate that.

Speaker 2 24:33

Wow, wow. I feel good about being here now. You're gonna get fine. Now I'm gonna tell the elder he's not here, I'm gonna tell.

Speaker 3 24:40

And we talked a little bit about like some small things and there's sometimes people are gonna have really big bad things that hit them in their lives. I was just at a coworker. I had to drive their car home because they were a broken mess, because they got a bad diagnosis for their father and their husband in the same week and things hit everyone and I think we've all been a part of some of those, some of those situations in life, and I think that those are the harder ones to get through. But the relationships we build in the church and the relationships we build on a foundation of faith in God, it's really why we have a church. I mean, it's really why we have brethren. Yeah, god knew it wasn't good for us to be alone, and so I think that building these relationships is obviously going to help us mitigate when those times are hard. We'll have people to lean on.

Speaker 3 25:43

Well, nate, thank you so much for bringing this up. You know it's just we need to do this more often because it helps kind of reset and give us this positive perspective to live throughout the next week on being happy and being grateful for what we have and being in the right mindset and having brethren there to help support us. So, nate, thank you for bringing this topic. Hopefully you find some impact for your own life, hopefully this has helped you, and this is the kind of stuff that's probably good to share, yeah, and like on social media and encourage them in that. So hopefully you will share this with your friends and check back with us for the next episode. Thank you, see you next week, see you.

Speaker 2 26:21

Adios.

Speaker 1 26:28

Welcome to the Exordr podcast. Okay, come on.

Speaker 2 26:33

Welcome to the Exordr. I tell you what. Welcome to the Exordr podcast. No, but you're a good movie. I think you would be a good movie critic.

Speaker 1 26:41

Yeah, better than John Well.

Speaker 2 26:43

I think I actually like movies John doesn't.

Speaker 3 26:45

He's a movie eater, and roper, tell me how you really feel.

Speaker 1 26:51

All right. What's our last thing?

Speaker 3 26:52

We're literally. Everything you just heard was Guardians 3 conversation, right there, I knew that that one's PG-13.

Speaker 2 26:59

We don't want people when we watch PG-13 movies. John, You're both 13. Yeah.

Speaker 1 27:04

Well, thank you for tuning into this week's episode of the Exordr podcast. I know that listening to this episode has brought some contentment to your life. And go ahead I this you should feel fulfilled right now.

Speaker 2 27:17

And if you're not grateful, then well-. Where's your heart? Yeah, be, then be grateful.

Speaker 1 27:22

Yeah, if you didn't like it, come down and record a better podcast yourself Sunday afternoon. Sunday afternoon recording just hits a little different than-.

Speaker 2 27:30

It hits a little different. Yeah, john is gonna be. He's thinking right now oh, I'm gonna have to record that at home by myself. Okay, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 27:38

He realized that Sunday for me is like this is like Friday you're getting Friday afternoon, I'm about to hit the weekend.

Speaker 3 27:43

Just relax and have a conversation Good night. Good gravy Nate is being fulfilled by you being in your presence right now.

Speaker 2 27:49

You may not be grateful, Even if you wanted to get nap. He's being fulfilled. You might not be grateful, but I am.